Bit Part

I had a bit part in saving a man's life a while back. When he came to me, the work was done. All I had to do was to encourage, be patient, and remind him of what he already knew.

The man had been a drunk. He had the big dreams but little real accomplishment that is so common in drunks. Mid thirties with no wife,no kids,no career,no money,no home and no future. He did, however,have a most unusual history. As a boy, he was badly injured in an accident. Lying in the emergency room, he was injected with the wrong medication. He nearly died. His injury required surgery and kept him immobile for ten weeks. Fortunately he was an active kid and he made a good recovery. In college, he nearly drowned at the beach when was caught in an ocean undertow. And a few years later, he had a third near death experience when he had a bad reaction to an antihistamine.

I asked him what these experiences were like. The first he said was all black and quiet. The last was noisy and full of bright red lights.

He started drinking young. It was a way to quell the nightmares. Asleep he would experience over and over the terror of those near death experiences. Approaching bedtime would crank up his anxiety level so high that he would have to get drunk. If he could resist drinking, he would have the dreams that would help explain what was behind it all.

Today he is a new man. The best I can explain it is that he has lived his life on the entrance ramp unable to get up enough speed to get on the expressway. He's getting up to speed now and very soon he'll be on the way. Nothing can hold him back now.

Back up your files and Junk Mail

Oh, boy! Norton aka Symantec has made my lifetime black list, along with Hilton hotels, the Marshall swim team and Arby's restaurants. :: pthhptt!!!::

Many moons ago, swayed by those dire predictions about the rampant epidemic of computer viri, I bought McAfee's antivirus program. I began to notice that not infrequently my computer malfunctioned after one of their automatic updates installed itself on the computer. Tired of this, I replaced McAfee with Norton antivirus and later the total Norton security system. One can't be too careful in these days of identity theft I thought. I could imagine scores of brilliant but sadistic hackers toiling to break into my computer.

The Norton system was sloooooow, but I was no longer experiencing the glitches that I had with McAfee. Then a few months ago a Norton automatic update ate all my iTunes files. All of them, every last song was gone! System restore brought my music back from oblivion but I was not happy at all. So I turned off the automatic updates. Saturday, tired of all the endless popups reminding me to renew my antivirus protection, I took time to download the 2007 version of Norton anti-virus. Well, the download was successful and as directed, I began to shut down my system. My computer crashed. The blue screen of death is all I can access. I called Norton. After agreeing to pay $9.50, I was connected to their Madras India branch. Their representative was as pleasant as could be and had nothing to offer me except to suggest I call Microsoft which we both knew was ridiculous. She has a script to follow, I know. I did demand a full refund but that doesn't fix the blue screen of death. Let me see..the software that I purchased to prevent some virus or unknown hacker from destoying my files or crashing my hard drive, has destroyed my files and crashed my hard drive. Yes, I get it now! In the meantime,I'll use my laptop with Norton disabled.


For the past few months I have been following the blog adventures of No Impact Man. His goal is to see if he and his family can live in New York City for a year leaving as little impact as possible on the environment. Some of his ideas are so off the wall that it makes for interesting discussions with the hubster...guess what No Impact Man is up to today? He's trying to figure out how to keep his toddler daughter's milk cold without refrigeration. His readers offer many suggestions and their input is interesting and entertaining as well. Yesterday he wrote about how his readers could help. One link was to the Direct Marketing Association where for $1.00, it is possible to get one's name off of junk mail lists. Good deal! I'm hoping this action will greatly reduce the ridiculous number of catalogs that come to our house. I had my mother's mail sent to my house when she went into the nursing home, and the catalogs and charities have already found her here. No Impact Man reported that getting off the mailing lists reduced his junk mail by 75%. I'm hoping to do as well.

Friend

I used to take for granted the ability to make friends. In any school class, there are those kids who because of shyness, lack of grace or social ineptitude, hang on the sidelines at the playground. In childhood, I was guilty at times at ostracizing these kids though I don't recall ever being directly mean. I just was preoccupied with my own friends.

Since we lived in the country, I made sure our kids had a steady stream of friends over to visit. We have a big house, a pond and a woods to explore, so kids gladly accepted a play date or overnight invitation. If a child was having a rough time socially, I taught them to find a kid that didn't have a friend and befriend them. If there were cliques in their class, be the friend that doesn't back stab and treats people gently. In the face of rudeness, I'd say t'is better to be kind than clever.

Some of the people I work with have a wide circle of friends, but those friendships tend to be superficial. Surrounding oneself with lots of people can be a defense against the anxious loneliness caused by insecurity from early childhood. Being alone triggers old fears caused by Mom leaving them alone way too much or frequently dumping them at sitters. These are the same people who compulsively talk on cell phones. Their abandonment fears become unbearable and they have to talk or be with another human being at all times. I have patients who are afraid to turn off their cell phones even during their analytic hour. Often they train their children to call them over every little thing. Every call reassures them that they are not alone.

These people are searching for something that fills an empty void. Faith certainly helps. I lead people to scripture verses that they can use when the fear overwhelms them. Good verses are Isaiah 41:10, Philippians 4:6-7 and 2 Timothy 1:7. Also by directly addressing the loneliness, the fear, the sadness and the rage, room is made for hope, love and growth.

Others I work with used to be that kid hanging on the sidelines of the school yard. They never had a snow ball fight, raced bikes down a hill, had sleepovers, went to camp, played flashlight tag at dusk, or partook of other pleasures of childhood. In high school these kids didn't play sports, join the band or chorus, participate in clubs, or go to games and dances. Some even avoided class field trips because they were so afraid of the other kids. Their adulthood has been a continuation of their isolated childhood. Not infrequently, I find these people were raised by an insane mother or dad.

Most have difficulty leaving home and holding jobs. There is little joy in their life. It's like they use an instructional manual for life written in Icelandic. They are 8 track tapes in an MP3 world. I am their friend, usually their only friend. And that humbles me greatly because I want very much to be a friend that doesn't hurt them and teaches them what a friend can be and how the world works. Little by little I lead them out of their pre-occupation with themselves and get them to notice a world beyond the end of their own nose.

The Red Geranium

Tomorrow night we are going to the Red Geranium in New Harmony Indiana which is one of my favorite places both to eat and to experience. This historic town boasts an art museum, concert series, a theatre festival, two labyrinths, a roofless church and a theologians garden. That garden is Paul Tillich's final resting place. It also has been the home to several Utopian communities. As is the nature of Utopian communities, they had limited runs. It's definitely a unique spot in a part of Indiana more famous for its cantaloupe than its culture.

The Red Geranium has been the site for many of our family celebrations in particular our wedding anniversary and those special times when all our children are home. We like to take our out of town visitors there as well. A most memorable time was the night we were there and caught snippets of OJ giving chase in the now famous white Bronco on the little TV over the bar. Such a peaceful evening linked forever with the insanity of what became the prime media circus for years.

Tomorrow we celebrate Father's Day and our 35th wedding anniversary. There was a new chef the last time we were there so some favorite dishes were missing, but such is life. We change, the chefs change, but the Red Geranium remains a place dear to our hearts and rich in memories.

Last day of 57

It's seems so long since I last blogged. Sick computers and Internet woes kept me out of commission, but everything is functioning well. And best of all, it only cost me $56.

Other problems solved this week. I got Mother to the dentist and her partial has been loosened to her satisfaction. That cost a whole $20. What a great dentist! I took her for a drive afterwards, but it didn't last but a few minutes before she became exhausted.

Mother's TV remote control disappeared too. I can't begin to imagine how much time I have spent keeping Mother in remotes, programming the blasted things, and teaching her how to use them. One would think she'd remember how to use something she's used for many years, but it hasn't been the case. Maybe she never was very proficient since no doubt my dad had custody and it's likely her former roommate hogged it too. So I searched her room for the remote to no avail, made a special trip to the big box emporium, programmed the new one and then taught her how to operate it, knowing full well the lesson will be forgotten before I was out of the building. Wouldn't you have guessed it, I found the missing remote two days later in the little quilt tote bag which hangs on her walker. She didn't seem surprised at all when I showed it to her. She mumbled something about needing it to use her walker. O..kay! Now she has two remotes: one for the TV and one for her walker.

Over the past few days I've been setting up my camp for another year. The hubster and I greatly enjoyed a campfire night before last. Son is making noises about a cookout at my camp which would be good to do before the dog days of summer. It just entails a lot of preparation and hauling. Guess who does 90% of that? Soon...

Yesterday I went with a group of friends over to the big bad city for an art fair. The art fair was nothing great but we had a fun time together. It has been a long time since I'd done anything like this. One gal brought along a GPS device and was playing with it as we rode, tracking our progress and speed. She let me fiddle with it a bit since I'm a sucker for gizmos. She is preparing to teach a group of kids how to use GPS by doing some Geocaching in the tiny town park. She is brand new to this hobby but has become an enthusiastic convert. On our return trip, we tried our hand at it. We didn't find the cache but we were close. We were a sight: 5 ladies wandering around an old bridge, braving weeds and poison ivy searching for a small box or canister containing a log, a pencil and a mickey mouse key chain.