It is not uncommon to hear someone say that they have low self-esteem. I don't think I have ever heard someone say they have high self-esteem. In fact, in my youth a person with "high self-esteem" might have been called too big for his britches, a bragger, stuck on himself or conceited.
I do find that many people carry around such wildly distorted images of themselves. One man, who was a successful CEO and community leader, saw himself a cheap con man...someone who had lied and cheated his way through school and life. And he had done so because in his mind, he was incapable of otherwise measuring up to his peers. His particular embarrassment was his weakness in math. One time he walked out of a job interview when he found out his math skills would be tested. Afterwards he plunged into a suicidal funk. From that point, he was afraid of looking for another job lest he had to face another math test. Math tutors were hired and fired. Math computer games were bought and discarded. His wife tried to teach him but he soon became enraged. Any effort to correct the problem only served to remind how he deficient was...actually defective was the word he used to describe himself.
One day, he happened to mention to me his experience with test anxiety during a college math course he'd taken many years before. It turns out he had to take several college math courses and with some help, he'd pulled solid a B in each. I was simply astonished. Over and over I asked, "How can you be poor in math and get a B in college algebra? How can you be bad in math and get a B in college statistics? This is college math here. College math. " I continued on this vein for quite sometime trying to blast through his long held, rock solid delusion that he was nigh on retarded when it came to doing math. He can't be defective in math and pull a B in college math. These two factors just can't co-exist. I held up a new mirror which reflects his success in college math. I have placed mine beside his old distorted "I'm defective" mirror. I don't know how long he'll need to keep gazing into that old mirror, but the good Lord willing, soon he'll be taking more and more peeks into the new one.
2 comments:
At this point in my life, I think I have a fairly healthy self-esteem. I think everyone feels like a charlatan occasionally, but knowing this makes it easier for me to deal with the times that I feel out of my depth or meet the sharp end of someone's insecurities.
Healthy self-esteem is good news to your dear old mother! Wise words from my wise daughter!
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