Winners and Losers

I watched "Little Miss Sunshine" last night. I liked it a lot despite some parts where the exaggerated quirkiness of the already quirky characters was a bit extreme for my tastes. Some points the film made were that life goes on even when dreams can't be realized and that losing is not the same as being a loser.

Too many people hang their sense of self-worth on their achievements. Each test is a life or death battle. What does it mean to be the regarded as the second-best Proust scholar in the country? Even if he were the best, his first place status will not last forever. Sooner or later the best, the greatest, or the fastest will be displaced or "plutoed".

Many kids come in to see me who cannot handle losing. Losing a game of Connect 4 or Uno has become the same as losing face. Some kids won't risk playing any games or they cheat so much that no one wants to play with them. So I model losing for them. I laugh at myself to teach them to laugh at themselves and to remind them that it's just a game not a judgement of their worth as a person. I also call them gently to task on cheating. One little girl used to end games with me prematurely even if she were winning. Unconsciously she may have been telling me about her life which was interrupted when she was removed from her family by Child Welfare Services. Perhaps, too, beating her opponent was way too risky. Why someone might get mad if she beat them. Who knows then what could happen? With her, I played quick games so there was less time for her anxiety to build. For some games, I kept a log of her scores. That way each game had a frame of reference. I sent some of the games home so she could play more with her family And so, as it was in the movie, she slowly learned that her lovableness was not contingent on winning or losing the game.