Honor Thy Father and Mother

On a wall in my mother's nursing unit hangs a plaque depicting an ancient Native American man and extolling the wisdom of the elders. No doubt, such wisdom is rarely sought in these youth-centric times. Wisdom may be sought but it tends to be from some tradition other than our own like a guru or shaman.

As a child, obedience was mixed up with the teaching of the church. The Ten Commandments were instilled deeply in me. I might have been too young to understand why graven images were such a big deal or what exactly coveting meant, but I did get "Honor thy Father and Mother" loud and clear. That meant minding, not sassing, not whining and remembering to say please and thank you.

Honoring thy Father and Mother becomes less clear when children reach adulthood. It can be further complicated if guilt, money or withholding affection has been used by Mom and Dad to control their children. As I deal with my dear old mother in her declining years, I find myself examining over and over just what does that commandment mean now? What does it mean to honor one's Mom and Dad? Does it mean I have to do everything my Mother asks like a good little girl? Does it mean I have to give her opinions greater significance even when I know she is just repeating the same old things over and over. Longer doesn't mean wiser. Reaching old age often means the thinking is just set in granite.

I pulled out my Key Study Bible to see what the original Hebrew word means that is translated as honor in Exodus 20:12. Curiously the word was not highlighted in my Bible. I checked out an Amplified Bible which said "treat with honor, due obedience, and courtesy". This did nothing to amplify my childhood understanding at all.

Finally I looked it up in Strong's Concordance and what I found was a surprise. The word which is translated honor is kabed/kabad with the root meaning "be heavy". From this root the various uses of the word are burdensome, afflict, boast, glorify, be grievous,honor, prevail, harden, to make weighty, go sore, promote, and lade.

An Old Testament scholar might correct me, but what I'm getting from this is that God is talking less about obedience and more about responsibility for our parents. After all these commandments were meant for adults, not to scare kids into minding Mom and Dad.

Perhaps the Lord is saying, don't neglect your Mom and Dad. (Relax kids.This isn't a hint to call home). Neglecting your parents is not the guilt invoking stuff of the horrid Mom or Dad who whines "My children never come to visit me". Maybe the kids don't come around because that's what they hear when they do visit. No, I think it's the idea that grown children should make sure that when Mom and Dad are old that they are okay. The kids aren't responsible for making Mom and Dad happy or for entertaining them. Nor does honoring them mean they have to live the kind of life Mom and Dad think they should. It doesn't mean that it's a mortal sin to get mad at Mom and Dad either. It does seem to indicate that we are to shoulder the weight of our aged parents when required and to be in touch enough to know when help is needed.