Trust vs Obedience

I got fired this week. I have been working with two adopted sisters for seven and half years. In July, the older sister told me that the two of them were sneaking out of the house at night to meet friends. This put me in a horrible bind. I knew their Mom and Dad would be furious with them if they caught them, and they would be livid with me if they learned that I knew and didn't tell them what was happening. But I was told this in confidence, so I did not tell their Mom and Dad. I didn't even let on to the younger sister that her sister told me about their nocturnal capers. The only good part was that I didn't feel they were in any real danger. It was stupid kid stuff, but it was also a flagrant violation of their household rules. I had to work on resolving this mess in the best way I could. In Freudian terms, these girls operate with impulse-driven ids. Their Mom and Dad function as their super-ego. I have been the ego, mirroring more mature thinking and helping them strengthen their egos.

Well, the shit hit the fan this week. Dad found out about the sneaking and lying. At first the girls may have thought I'd ratted them out. In order to deflect Dad's rage away from them, the older girl let it be known that I was aware of what they had been doing. Dad fired me in front of the girls accusing me of not caring about his daughters. That stung because I care for them very much. My response to Dad was to remind him of confidentiality and how essential it was that the girls learn to trust me. That fell on deaf ears. It was a lose-lose situation: either I violate the girls' trust or I violate the trust their parents placed in me.

The younger girl started crying. I hugged her with tears in my eyes and told her that I would miss her too. The older girl hung her head. She'd set me up and she knew it. I hugged her too. My boss thinks the older girl did this to avoid talking about the hard stuff. She'd rather run headlong into adulthood in an attempt to leave behind the horrible, painful, scary stuff of her first family. It's easier to run, lie, cover-up and pretend. I had to go.

Was I mad? Yes. And very sad too, when I realized that I was the only one who cared that their old fetid emotional sores were debrided and treated. Obedience was more valued than learning to trust.