Fogging

At my recent workshop I was introduced to the term "fogging" which is a technique used in assertiveness training. Little girls of the 1950s and 1960s were not taught to be assertive or how to handle manipulative people. We were taught not to talk back and to mind. Actually some believe that a manipulative person is actually a non-assertive person. My own thinking is they have learned that's how to get what they want.

Anyway the basic technique is very simple. When one is attacked, the response is a vague non-response instead of trying to defend directly against the barb. For example, a supervisor calls an underling on the carpet saying "Your behavior is so unprofessional. " The accused fogs " Some people might say that." Fogging diffuses the zinger and makes it instantly ineffective. It acknowledges the attacker's right to form an opinion, but at the same time it does not accept the validity of that opinion Underneath, the fogger is implying, but never voicing "so what". I am reminded of Milton Erickson's story. A patient was furious at Erickson and started to call him every name in the book. He called Erickson a quack, insulted his wife, criticized the decor of his office and finished his rant by saying that the tie Erickson was wearing was the ugliest tie he'd ever seen. Without missing a beat Erickson replied "You should see my brother."